Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
