He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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