Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
