so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
me + whiskey = a bad person
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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