Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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