You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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