I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this just has baby written all over it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Randomize
