meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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