i wish there were pregnant emoticons
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
