Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
