I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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