Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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