you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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