There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
