My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
