This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
