is your mom at the bar?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
