he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
