youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
