sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
