She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Small penises have feelings too.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize