Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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