Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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