I CAN MOONWALK!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
