Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
