he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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