I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
