Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You've changed since you got that strap on
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
