It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
