You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
