There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
