dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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