I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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