he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The beer is more important than you right now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
