I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
