Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
