Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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