I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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