I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
