You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
