i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
