I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
