I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The best revenge is premature balding
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
