He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
