Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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