is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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