yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
