i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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