How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
