I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
