Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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