I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
