well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
